(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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