How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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