The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
