If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
