i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
