I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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