This is not my ceiling
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
