i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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