those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
where are my eyebrows?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
