margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
