I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I need to sanitize my soul.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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