Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
