I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
