we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize