We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
