There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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