i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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