and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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