Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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