u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
