Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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