Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
