i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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