Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
