I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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