He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think my moral compass just broke
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
