oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sober January is a disaster.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
