I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
