The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
