Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
