I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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