I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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