Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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