God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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