Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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