4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
