You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I lost the right to judge tonight
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
