he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
