I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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