i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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