we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
