a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
