Porn is love you can see.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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