you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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