:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize