hotel room ftw
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
