I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
