Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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