and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Come see our sink grown plant.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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