I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
