I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
