you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
