I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
