even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
