the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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