Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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