my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
