Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
