Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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