That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
