I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
