So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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