Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
