He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize