I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
MIDGETS
????
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
