my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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