Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can text with my tongue
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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