Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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