That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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