I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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