im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
