Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize