apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
