butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
