you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
