Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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